Stay Off of My Blue Suede Shoes

So today I give my kids the biggest speech of all time:

"In 8 months you'll be going into the ninth grade. Do you realize that the minute you walk in those doors over there everything you do counts towards your transcript that you'll use to try and apply to colleges? Do you also realize that of all the millions of jobs that are available now, only 10% of those jobs are open to people who do not have at least a 2-year college degree? (I totally made that up, but it's also possible that I heard it somewhere before...) The world is full of people who need to work, who have to work, and you'll be one of them soon. And you'll need to be competitive and you'll need to be confident and able to maximize your strengths. And most of all, you'll need to be able to communicate your own value! And that, my kids, starts today, starts right here in this room. I'm going to teach you how to do that very thing!"

Seriously, I was two seconds away from saying "Today is the first day of the rest of your lives."

When it was done, my kids all looked at me solemnly and nodded their heads. They understood! This is a big deal! They must behave so that they can learn learn learn! All, that is, except for one kid. He looks up at me at the end of my speech, with this very profound look. He's got long blonde hair and it's hanging in his face and he's peering out at me looking very thoughtful, and I assume he's going to say something to the effect of "I will do my best" or "I am ready for this challenge." But, no no.

"Ms. Grooms, are your shoes suede?"

Oh boy. You gotta love that.