random acts of randomness

Big news on the Lean Cuisine front:

Beef Portabello: very very tasty. Nice potatoes, good fresh meat bits and mushrooms. Far superior to the Sesame Chicken.

So, thus far, after two trials, the rankings are as follows:

1. Beef Portabello
2. Sesame Chicken

There. Don't we all feel better now?

So, I went to the dentist today. And what better time is there to find out that you DON'T have the dental plus insurance that you THOUGHT you did? Yeah. That was lots of fun. My mouth was numb, and I had to agree to a $135 payment before they could continue. I'll tell you, my benefits lady is in for a scathing e-mail tomorrow. I have been twice tricked by her.

In other news:
Put facewash on the toothbrush this morning. Further proof of the slow but sure deterioration of my sanity. How long till May 25th again?

I rented Hotel Rwanda this weekend. And I'll say this, Don Cheadle should've beaten Jamie Foxx and this movie should've beaten Million Dollar Baby. That's just my opinion, and because I've been doing PACT review with my kids non-stop, I understand that my "opinion" cannot be measured or proven. Still though, it is important to have "opinions."

One of my kids was reading aloud for me today, and she pronounced the word "bootlegging" like this: "bootle-ging." I started laughing, and I couldn't stop. I had to step outside.

bloggeration

I just went and put air in my tire. All by myself. I'm adding this to my list of mechanic skills, which so far contains:

1. Pumping Gas
2. Putting Air in the Tire

Good List.

The only misfortune that befell me during this little excursion was that Wrigley scratched my leg. He behaved better in the car when he had all four legs. Silly dog.

There's a Stayfree commercial that I love. There's a woman in the grocery store representing Stayfree, and she's on the aisle with the feminine necessities, and this customer walks up to her and the lady says, "Can I ask you a question? Does your Stayfree get wet and sticky?" And they actually have this conversation in the store, and it culminates with the Stayfree lady rubbing a Stayfree DryMax maxipad all over her clothes to show off its amazing powers of dryness.

Last week in Wal-Mart something nice happened, which is oh so rare. I have lately developed a real affinity for Dole Pine-Orange Juice. I must have it in the morning after the Honey Nut Cheerios. Well, in Wal-Mart last week, there were NO cartons of my juice on the shelf. GASP! But, thankfully, this little old man was busy stocking things, and he just happened to stock two cartons of it as I was standing there on the verge of having a fit. He put the cartons up there, turned his back to get some more, and I snuck in behind him and snatched one. I did it lightning fast, with my cat-like reflexes. So, when he looked back up, he was amazed, and I could tell he was thinking, "I know I just put two up there." Then he saw me and we both laughed.

And there was much niceness in the land.

for my day in the sun, i've been working till the sun don't shine

This is a bad week. How bad is it you ask? Well, short story, this morning I've gotten up and showered, dried my hair, had my Cheerios (Honey Nut ONLY), and now I am sitting here reading blogs (Robin I am disappointed). And I seriously just had the thought, "I wonder if anyone would really notice if I had a beer before I went to work." Maybe I need something to 'take the edge off' before I go in to struggle through another day with my kids. Who, by the way, have gone stark raving mad. I've done nine discipline referrals in the past week, and on NONE of them was I overreacting. These have been major infractions (threatening to kill me, being 15 minutes late to class, throwing pencils that hit other kids, etc. etc.) But alas, better judgment wins out, and I'll not be downing a cold one. But, it was an appealing thought.

oughtta be a law

I consolidated my student loans about a month ago with the South Carolina Student Loan Corporation. So, it mystifies me now every time that a telemarketer from some random other consolidation firm calls me. This happens daily. Many, many, many, many times.

They call at 5.30, because that is when many people get home from work.
They call at 6.00, because that is when many people are starting dinner.
They call at 6.30, because that is when many people are eating dinner.
They call at 7.00, hoping for some after-dinner consolidation banter.

I loathe them.

So today, I have once again snapped on a telemarketer. The call came in at 7.00. And after the day I've had, this was no time for telemarketing.

Telemarketer: Can I speak to Mrs. Grooms? (me not being married, I was immediately becoming pissed)
Me: This is SHE (loudly)
Telemarketer: Mrs. Grooms I am calling on behalf of blah blah blah consolidation corporation...
Me: Look, seriously, do you guys have a list? Because I consolidated already, like a month ago. I am done with the consolidating business. It is over. I want off of this list now!
Telemarketer: Oh ok...
Me: Oh ok? (outraged)

And then I hung up.

Too harsh?

switcher-no

Quick Note: Switching from Honey Nut Cheerios to just plain Cheerios might seem like a good idea. It might seem like the plain Cheerios are a bit healthier, you know, without the honey nut on them. Well, turns out, they are terribly bland, and so the 10 less calories just isn't worth it. Back to the Honey Nut I go!

something something

Lately I can't seem to buy enough Lean Cuisines. I think I get sucked in by the packaging, because they have changed it a little bit. Add this to the incident with the "Limited Edition Chocolate Lover's Reese Cup," and you've got my face in the dictionary under "sucker." Oh well. I am what I am, I guess.

In any event, I probably have purchased every single Lean Cuisine on the market, and I plan to start systematically eliminating the ones that are disgusting. There are just too many, and I get tricked too often because the choices need to be narrowed. I'm not into big varieties, for some reason. It stresses me out. Seriously, you should've seen me the first time I went to Meritage.

Anyway, Project Lean Cuisine begins tonite, at 11.00. Now, typically, I do not eat this late. This is important to know (probably not really, but it could be). Tonite, however, I was summoned away when Meredith wanted me to ride to Gaston with her to get her sister a dog. The dog is black. It is a poodle. It is so tiny I could put it in my pocket (and make a peace sign with my other hand). So, talk about a long strange trip. We got lost twice.

In any event, here I am, at 11.00, eating the "Sesame Chicken" Lean Cuisine. This one, I do not like. Now, since I haven't really thought about this until now, I have nothing readily comparable. Like I can't say, "The 'Pecan Chicken' is better, but not as good as the 'Portabello Beef.'"

But soon enough my friends, I will have that information ready.

Notes on the "Sesame Chicken" The noodles suck terribly and the chicken pieces are soggy. Overall grade: C. I'd eat it if I didn't have anything else.

Also, NOTE to Fox: I am very unhappy about the Nadia situation. What is this? American Idol, or American I-don't-like-talent-as-evidenced-by-Scott-still-being-around?

close call

Last night during the storm my cable went out, but then it came back on again. Whew. But the scariest thing of all was that my cable modem PC light was not blinking, meaning that I had internet running into the apartment, but the computer wasn't picking it up.

"Oh God," I thought. What if my modem was blown?

I plugged and unplugged everything that had a cord, even the printer. Nothing helped. Still, I had internet, and still, the computer wasn't picking it up.

I went into panic mode. I applied for a BestBuy card in the event that I had to purchase an emergency laptop, which I've wanted for a while anyway. And then I had the idea to unplug the modem from its power source, just to see if it would kind of reset itself and BAM! I was on-line again, and my breathing finally went back to normal.

It is staggering I tell you, absolutely STAGGERING, how dependent I am upon having the world wide web at my finger-tips. It's also very very sad I guess, but still and yet, it is what it is. And I am happy to be plugged back in.

You know the new "Limited Edition Chocolate Lover's Reese Cup"? Yeah, well that is really just a regular Reese Cup in disguise. The "Limited Edition Peanut Butter Lover's Reese Cup," now that is different. It has peanut butter on the top. The "Chocolate Lover's" one, well, it has chocolate on the top. Yeah I know, it's just like the original. And I still bought it. Dang.

no good

There's this commercial for L.A. Weightloss. The woman, apparently, has lost quite a bit of weight with the program, and she is terribly happy. She talks about how much better her life is. She runs on the beach with her children. All of this is perfectly well and normal.

And then everything goes haywire.

She says, "The kids think I'm sexy."

What? She's talking about her CHILDREN. If it's the kids in the commercial with her, they are all under 10. And they think their mom is sexy? And she's happy about that?

I just don't know. Apparently, L.A. Weightloss, in addition to helping you lose weight, makes you weird, like in a sort of pedophile-ish way.

blobbidy

Well, spring break for me has officially entered it's final twelve hours. When I look back at the past week, what I see can most accurately be described as this: HUGE BLOB.

I did, literally, nothing whatsoever. Well, actually, I did some things. I read two books and started a third one. And these are real books, you know, adult ones that I didn't buy for my classroom. So I feel accomplished. And they were really really good. And all three, I found out, are being made into movies. The Kite Runner, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and The Time Traveler's Wife will all be coming to a theater near you in 2006. The English major in me says, "No! This will ruin the art of the written word. Stop the madness this instant Hollywood! I beg of you!" But then, the regular, sane person in me goes like this: "Don't be a geek, these could be great movies." And so I'm glad that they are doing this.

So yeah, I read. A LOT. Which was nice, because I spend so much of my life making my kids read, and reading things to them, that it's nice to just sit and read a grown-up book sometimes.

Oh, and I ran. A LOT. Which was also very very nice.

So I guess that spring break maybe looks less like a HUGE BLOB and more like this: Me, Reading and Running Simultaneously. And now I ask myself, am I sad that I have to go back to work tomorrow? Truthfully, I'm not. Dare I say...I missed the kids.

And then I ask myself this: As long as I work in education, I will have "spring break" and "Christmas break" and "THE summer," so will I ever feel like an adult? I'll be with my adult friends who have regular jobs, who worked all this week and I'll say blah blah blah "spring break" and they might look at me like I'm still a kid, or at least in college. Maybe not. I've never actually checked their faces out, but I feel funny sometimes when I say this stuff.

Anyhow, blogging is hard when you do nothing but read for a week. (Spellcheck wants me to change "blogging" into "flogging," which I suppose also would be difficult if I had just read for a week, instead of practicing my whipping movements.)

P.S. I'm taking a poll:
Would spelling "theater" like this, "theatre," make me seem sophisticated or pretentious. I can never decide. I've seen it both ways. Or, most importantly, would it make me seem French? I think that's the real issue here.

Based on Actual Events

While discussing the Pope's health, a conversation between a news anchor and a medical expert:

Anchor: He's suffering from heart failure and septic shock. What are those?

Expert: Heart failure is a failure of the heart...